Wednesday 15 September 2010

Everybody's shuffling on to keep a place in the line

First, we had to queue up in the quad, in the gentle drizzle. Then they let us in, five by five, to go and join the queue to join the queue, inside. There, they split off the SAAS-funded, so they could go and stand in their own, special, queue. After that, we were sent inside the big hall, four by four, to join a queue to get our "college status" checked. At least this time we were inside, and seated. After shuffling from chair to chair, down the entire length of the hall, every minute or so, for almost an hour, my status was duly verified -- in 30 seconds -- so I was sent off to join the queue to pay. This queue was only 15 people long, but it still took me almost 40 minutes to get to the front, and pay. Having paid, I was sent off to the far corner of the hall...to join the queue to get photographed, and another 20 minute wait. At the end of that time, an unflattering photograph was duly taken, and seconds later I was handed the most expensive object I've ever owned, gramme for gramme:


Roughly £1,933,333.33 per Kg (or £3,866,666.66 over its two years validity).

Duly stamped, filed, processed, and catalogued, I went up to the Bute Hall, and, failing to find the Geographical Society, attempted to blag my way to becoming the double bassist for the University Big Band. After all the excitement, I went had pie and chips in the GUU - eaten from a paper plate, with plastic cutlery, and accompanied by a pint of bitter in a polythene tumbler. I'd forgotten quite how classy student life is.